“This life is what you make it. No matter
what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good
part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your
friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go.
The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best
friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in
the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And baby, I hate to
say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your
heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your
soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for
everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at
everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in
yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high,
keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a
beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
― Marilyn
Monroe
Through the
years I've lived, I've come to distinguish absolutely between pain observed and
pain shared. Pain observed is journalistic pain. It’s diplomatic pain. It’s
television pain, over as soon as you switch off your beastly set. Those who
watch suffering and do nothing about it are just a little better than those who
inflict it. They are the bad Samaritans. Celebrate the love of Christ and his
Sacrifice by showing kindness today and every day. If you run out of poor
people, or people in pain, just post a word in our comments section here or
find me/us and we’ll guide you to many more people in need of a tiny tweeny bit
of kindness.
Be kind. Kindness is a virtue characterised by good and affectionate
behaviour, pleasant temperament, care and compassion for other people.
Aristotle in some writings defined it as "helpfulness towards someone in
need, not in return for anything, nor for the advantage of the helper himself,
but for that of the person helped.” Kindness profoundly affects the lives of
the people we come across daily and it feels good. I have found out for myself
that being kind to others is really a way to be kind to one-self.
Show your love for God by being kind to one person every day. Kindness
inspires kindness.
I'm proud to come from Akwa Ibom state in Nigeria.....and i'm proud to be associated with lots and lots of BEAUTIFUL and UNIQUE Delicacies such as Ekpang Nkukwo, Afang, Editan, Edikan ikong, Atama, Adita-iwa, Afia-efere, Asa-iwa, Asa-akpakpa, Ubobok-ukom, nyan ekpang, Ekoki, Ogi-iwa, etc.... This list is endless.
For today, i'll touch the EKPANG NKUKWO and its mode of preparation.
Pls enjoy and have a nice time soaking in the uniqueness of this rare dish.
Ekpang Nkukwo is one of the Nigerian cocoyam recipes made with grated cocoyam, water
yam, cocoyam leaves and periwinkle. It is a Nigerian food recipe native
to the South South Eastern Nigeria – the Cross River and Akwa Ibom
States of Nigeria. Ekpang Nkwukwo is so special that it is reserved for
special occasions but can also be eaten anytime one wishes. This meal is relished by many and contains the basic classes of food,
the flavour and taste are heavenly mouth-watering.
Ingredients for Ekpang Nkwukwo
Cocoyam – 500g (or as desired)
Water Yam – 250g (Optional)
Vegetable – A big bunch of tender Cocoyam leaves | Pumpkin leaves
& Scent leaves (Nton)
Palm oil – a generous quantity
Crayfish – a handful
3 medium bulb Onions
Periwinkle 2 milk cups | 300g if shelled or 500g
of unshelled periwinkle
Assorted Beef & Offal
Dried Fish
Snail (Optional)
Pepper & Salt to taste
Seasoning – 2 Maggi / Knorr cubes or as desired to taste.
Before you cook the Nigerian Ekpang Nkwukwo
Wash and cook the beef, offals and dry fish with the seasoning
till done.
Peel, wash and grate the cocoyam and water yam (if you will be
using this). Mix the two together and set aside.
Prepare the pot by rubbing a generous amount of red
palm oil on the insides of the pot.
Wash the tender cocoyam leaves and tear into medium pieces. If
using pumpkin leaves, wash these and set aside.
Blend the pepper and crayfish and set aside.
Wash the shelled or unshelled periwinkles.
Wash and slice the scent leaves into tiny pieces.
Cooking directions for Nigerian Ekpang Nkwukwo
If you will be using unshelled periwinkles, place these at the
base of the well-oiled pot(thats after cooking the shelled periwinkle for about 5 minutes in salted water and wash
properly).
Scoop a small quantity of the grated cocoyam into a piece of the
torn cocoyam leaf or one pumpkin leaf. Wrap the cocoyam. with the leaf and place in the pot. Repeat this procedure till all the
grated cocoyam (and water yam) is exhausted.
Add the pepper, crayfish, onions, shelled periwinkles and
assorted beef.
Add hot water to the level of the pot contents and set to cook on
medium heat for 20 minutes.
Now, add the scent leaves, a generous amount of palm oil and salt
to taste. Cook for more 5 minutes and the Ekpang Nkwukwo is done.
Leave to stand for 5 minutes and stir.
(If it still isn't properly cooked, add a little more water and allow
to cook further on low heat.
finally serve in a flat plate.
YOUR EKPANG IS NOW READY!
I hope this was easy....if not, contact me through the mail or drop a comment. thank you very much. also, any variation from this cooking method should be shared here too. thanks.
.....Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products,
children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked
inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out
to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock
himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard,
maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late
night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the
room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this
moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand
very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to
the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the
delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought
crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?
He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes
caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of
the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he
kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling
and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain… He
smiled, but without opening the tired eyes of his… I had thought that I would
never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain
cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby
discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a
miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first
discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying:
“Prepare for his funeral.”
I disregarded the nurse’s objection and rushed home, I went into his room
and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hit me. Hubby’s cancer was
discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that… the
computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: “Son, just for
you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my
biggest wish now… I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and
maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice
would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside
here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your
lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy’s
suggestion….
Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have
accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do
love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also
the one who loves me most…” From play school to primary school, to secondary,
university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big
and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me:
“My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I
have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to
see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby…My dear, if you
cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for
loving me…These presents, I’m afraid I cannot give them to our son personally,
could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to
give when are all written on the packaging… “
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over
and place him beside him. I said: “Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to
remember being in the warmth of your arms…” He struggled to open his eyes and
managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny
hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter
rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face…. A fatal
misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone
forever…”Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful
footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet
and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as
destiny’s secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too
late.”……….
…….. The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a
sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my
throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down
the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was
catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her
dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire
burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really
did not mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then
stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare
in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not
return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I
had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do?
For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not
appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the
low point in my life.
Finally, a colleague said: “LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor.”
The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw
up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise
happy news. Why didn’t hubby, and mother who had been through this before,
thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital
entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he
looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my
heart soften, I couldn’t resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and
finally found me but he pretended that he doesn’t know me; he has that
disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not
to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong
urge inside me to shout to my hubby: “Darling, I am having your baby!” and have
him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn’t
happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our
love couldn’t even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look
in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of
the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with
tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in
silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the
house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so
clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears
starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to
clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his
secretary gave me a weird look and said: “Your husband’s mother had a
traffic accident and has just dashed off to the hospital.” I stood there
in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had
already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I
looked at mother’s pale white and thin face and I couldn’t control the tears in
my eyes. My god, how could this happen?
Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the
occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about
the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she
walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old
house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster
and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her…I finally
understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if
we had not quarreled, if….In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his
mother.
Hubby moved into mother’s room and came home every night with a strong
liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and
could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to
have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the
words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me
real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events
happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came
home later and later. The deadlock between us continued, we were living
together like strangers who don’t know each other. I am like the dead knot in
his heart…………………..
One day, I passed by a city centre Chicken Inn, looking into the glass
window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly
brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from
that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and
stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and
there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands
up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared
back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by
one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that
any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he
did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me:
Following mother’s death so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home
from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched – he had returned to
take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to
explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups
alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping
his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to
consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having
to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole
house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this
piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the
two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within
myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: “You wait a while, I will
sign.” He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.
As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself “You cannot cry, you cannot
cry…” my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.
After I hung up my coat, hubby’s eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I
smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me.
Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the
paper to him. “LD, are you pregnant?” Since mother’s accident, this is the
first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they
fell like raindrops. I said: “Yes, but it’s ok, you can leave now.” He did not
go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his
tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that
even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he
repeated “sorry” to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but
now I can’t. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look
in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each
others heart. For me, it’s unintentional; for him, totally intentional…
I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation
but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.
Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my
heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me,
I don’t take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. >From the
moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my
heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks
in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in
mother’s room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I
kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would
fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would
then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am
concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby’s
groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him…………………..(TO BE CONTINUED)
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea
of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown of Rusape and spend her
remaining years with us. Hubby’s father passed away while he was still very
young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for
him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a
great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to
where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room,
which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant
greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and
started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said:
“Lets go fetch mother.” Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his
chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny
me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back
down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I
surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy
feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For
example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could
not stand it and would comment: “I do not know how you young people spend your
money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can’t eat flowers!” I smiled and
said: “Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better.”
Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: “Mum, this is a
city-people’s habit; slowly you will get used to it.”
Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever came
home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would
shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots
of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would
tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully
pinched my nose and said: “You little fool, just don’t tell her the full price
of everything would solve it.” There begins the friction to our otherwise happy
lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In
your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast
table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a
thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her spoon and
make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.
As I am a dance teacher in the Children’s Palace and am exhausted from along
day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional
few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the
protest mother makes. From time to time, mother would help out with some
housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she
would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them
later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she
would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so
as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.
One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and “Bam”
she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed
in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire
night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally
ignored me……. I got mad and asked him: “What did I do wrong?” Hubby stared at
me and said: “Can’t you just give in to her once? We couldn’t possibly die
eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?” After that incident, for a
long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is
a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war,
hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.
In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on
the “all important” task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the
breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and
cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a
wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my
own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little
upset and asked me: “LD, is it because you think that mum’s cooking is not
clean that’s why you chose not to eat at home?” He then turned his back on me
and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some
time, hubby sighed: “LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?”
I was left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table…….(to be continued)